Karen's Khristmas Korner

I have just been introduced to the "Elf on the Shelf" blackmail... er... I mean holiday tradition.

If you are of a certain age (such as myself!!), you may remember the funky little elves that were used as Christmas decorations.  They were, and still are, ugly little sons-of-guns.  They were always hunched up with their hands tied together and their knees shoved up to their chins.

 I loved these little guys.

 I would shove them into the tree or they would ride a carriage or straddle pine cones on a mantel.  Then they kind of disappeared from the public eye to be replaced by LED lights, glittered snowflakes, and Oriental Trading foam monstrosities.

Our little elf family was zippered up in a plastic baggie and relegated to the attic until.....

DA DA DAAAAAAAA!!!

The Elf on the Shelf???  What is this "tradition" they are talking about?  I had been seeing pictures online of my fugly elf in all sorts of precarious situations.  I just thought that it was people like me, rediscovering their old neglected ugly elves and having a bit of fun.  But no, I was wrong.  It's just a new money making scheme to get kids to do things and behave in a way at Christmas time that they should already be doing all year round!!!

The simple premise is:  Santa has dropped one of his elves at a child's house to watch the child.  The children have to give him a name.  The elf is magic and only moves at night.  As soon as he is spotted by the family, he freezes.  The elf reports back to Santa whether the children have been good or bad.  If the elf is touched, he loses his Christmas magic and is sent back to Santa.

WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS!!!!!!!   SO MANY CHILDREN!!!  SO MANY DESPERATE PARENTS!!!

ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

In my day, we didn't need an "Elf on the Shelf" to make sure we said "excuse me" when we burped.

In my day, we didn't need an "Elf on the Shelf" to make sure we ate all of our food.

In my day, we didn't need an "Elf on the Shelf" to make sure we did our chores.

In my day, we didn't need an "Elf on the Shelf" to make sure we said "Please" and "Thank You."

In my day, we had... oh... what's that word....

PARENTS!?

It's enough 

to drive any 

self respecting 

Elf 

to drink!

Or elf mover... mmmmm!

I mean, really?  It's just little people blackmail!  
Why not just drug the kids so they're good ALL the
time... and calm...  Ooh!  They always say children
should be seen and not heard!  They'd be really quiet
if they were drugged!


Say, that's not such a bad idea!!

But, I can hear you say, 

children are soooo much fun 

when they're 

active and 

playing and 

carefree...

We have an answer to that too!!

Say, this Elf on the Shelf thing has a lot of possibilities!

Dirty little buggers!  


Who watches the elves, I wonder?

It's an Elven message. 

 It means Skippy McTavish 

 sleeps with the tinsel.

Ah, tinsel on the highway...
Elves can be mommy's little
helpers too!  Carpooling just
got a whole lot easier!

A little Elven magic and parents don't
even have to leave the house!!

Ooops!

Oh Herbie!  You little dickens!

And homework!!  No more
pesky spelling lists for parents!

Aren't the quads just precious?







Thank you Elf on the Shelf!  I've finally got my life back!!

Elf on the Shelf!  Way better than parents!!!

Karen's Kitty Kousin Korner

My last blog was about kitties.  Lots and lots of kitties.  I was a bad kitty though, because I left two kitties out of my family tree.

First is Mya.  Mya was picked out by Jenn out of a litter of like 342 cute kitties!  Mya is really Jenn's cat, but I am the summer camp while she isn't at school.  Mya had old man ear hairs and the longest whiskers ever! Her tail is long and puffy and she is a very sweet cat.  I do miss her when she isn't here.

Mya at 8 weeks!  So cute!!!!!









Mya at 4 months.  She ate a LEGO head a couple of months after this.







The other kitty is Olivia.  She was found at the Humane Society by Jenn's roommate Kelsey.  Kelsey and Olivia bonded instantly!  Olive was about 8 or 9 months old when she came to the kennel.  She was very skinny and a little crazy!!  She is very sweet and has calmed down immensely.  We still fear for her safety as she is not exactly the sharpest crayon in the box.

Olivia at home in Pittsburgh.  Living la vida loca!









Olivia in the sink in Pittsburgh... so weird.









Mya and Olivia... sisters!












So those are the kitty kousins... I could never forget them!

Karen's Kitty Korner

Ok, it's been a while!  I admit that freely.

I've had so many ideas for the blog but have just not had the time... or the brain cells.  By the time I get home, I've forgotten my great blog idea!!

Today, we're gonna talk about kitties.  Lots of kitties.  I happen to have lots of kitties.  I am now the Kitty Lady.

All of my kitties were abandoned and unloved.  I find I am getting angrier and angrier with every cat I see on the streets.  Pets depend on us for everything.  If you do not intend to keep your pet inside and love them, don't freaking own them!!!




Wallaby - lost and injured in the parking lot in the winter.  Scrawny and scared, he hid under the couch for a few weeks.










Now look at my big boy!  He knows his name, sleeps next to me, and mothers all the little ones!



 

Millie - found at the Humane Society.  She was sleeping in her food dish and as soon as I held her she purred and licked and kneaded me... and "needed" me.  She is the sweetest kitty ever, very affectionate, and has had two - count em - two hysterectomies!









She's also a seat stealer!!!!

Edith Ann - hit by a car in Oil City and rescued from a life on the streets or worse.  She was only 4 weeks old.  She bonded with Wallaby and followed him around like a shadow!  She was shy of any one's touch and spent time under the bed... a lot of time!








Edith Ann now.  Loves to be pet and still follows Wallaby around - much to his dismay sometimes!








Eli - the new baby.  He was found in a box by the river with 3 other kittens.  He was only 3 weeks old, scrawny, and sad.  He is now 5 weeks old, eats solid food, knows where the litter boxes are, and is the cuddliest kitten I've ever seen.  All he wants is to be held and loved.







Please Please PLEASE!  Care for your pets, spay and neuter them, protect them, and love them.

Karen's Kouture Korner - The Royal Wedding Continued

And now, by popular (my minion) demand, more hats!   

I had found a ton of pictures earlier but sort of ran out of time when I was writing the first blog.  There are some great funky hats out there that I would totally wear... unfortunately none of them were chosen to be worn... perhaps that could be an offshoot blog... "hat's I WOULD have worn to the royal wedding."  Hmmmmm....

So, anyway... the new game sweeping the nation!  Hat or NOT Hat!

Hat

This is soooo my style!  I love it!  It's what we call a "hat" with decoration.

NOT Hat

It looks like this poor woman fell into a bag of pre-ground mueslii...

Hat

Very 80's garden party... simple and understated.

NOT Hat

Ok, what is up with the land shark look!  Or is this some sort of prehensile fin affair going on and she's really a nuclear leak mutant?

Hat

How could you say anything against the Queen?  Plus, she knows her hats!!

Sorta NOT Hat

In sharp contrast to the Queen, this woman has gone a little overboard with her "hat."  Too much purple can be a bad thing.  This "hat" is more like a flying saucer that's a little lost on it's way to the anal probe portion of the abduction.

Hat

Very tres chic!  This is the appropriate scale for the woman wearing it.  Plus it's kinda Asian-y in a cool, non-threatening way.

NOT Hat

Excuse me, ma'am?  Do you get HBO on that thing?

Hat

Even horses need hats too.

NOT Hat

You lost me with the Freddy Kruger finger nails coming out of the dead cockatoo on your head

Hat

It's kind of pill boxy... I have a bigger issue with her dress than her hat!!

NOT Hat

For the love of all that is holy, give the damn tiny blue Indian his damn tiny blue canoe back!!!  I had no idea that the tiny blue Indian tribe was having this kind of theft rate on their tiny blue pueblo!  

"Keep my canoes beautiful."

Next time - hat's I'd wear but have absolutely no reason or occasion to.

Karen's Kouture Korner - The Royal Wedding

So, I'm kind of an Anglophile... I love Monty Python, Rowan Atkinson, Doctor Who, English comedy, Top Gear, and a ton of other things from the British Isles.  I watched Princess Diana marry.  I watched Princess Diana buried.  I watched Prince Edward marry and today I watched Prince William marry.  


I will admit that I am grateful for cable and satellite TV.  In 1981 we didn't have cable or a VCR, so that meant that you had to get up early and watch something because a.) you wouldn't see it ever again and b.) you couldn't record it and watch it later.  Today, I slept through the live version and have been watching it as I do my chores and such.


A couple of comments before we get to the meat of this post...


- I loved the trees in the Abbey... it was so lovely to see them walk through a row of young trees.
- I thought the dress was very nice and simple and clean
- The music was so well chosen.  A John Rutter piece (natch!), some great boys choir numbers, and beautiful instrumental numbers.
- Speaking of music, perhaps my love of Monty Python ruined one of the hymns... all I could see in my mind was a half naked Eric Idle playing guitar and singing "Jerusalem."  Sorry!


So... 


What was up with those "hats?"  I'm kinda traditional but I do enjoy some funk in my fashion.  Here we go!

 Hat

Lovely!

NOT Hat

The tiny blue Indian would like his tiny blue canoe back...

and his tiny blue teepee

 Hat

Very Ascot!

 NOT Hat

Looks like a dead beetle on a dead branch.
And by dead branch, I mean Posh herself.

 Hat

Stylish yet with a little flair.

 Uhhhhh..... ?

Was this a nursing home pipe cleaner project?

Hat

Simple and understated.  I like the veil.

NOT Hat

One or the other!  Either the bow OR the brim, not both!!!  

It's the Land Shark!!!

Hat

Pretty flower!  And the turban style is different.

NOT.... Oh dear lord...what the hell is that!!!

Uh.......................

Next time - God... how do I follow this up?

The Origin of Karen

I've been kinda lax lately about my blog.  Today, I happened to be thinking that the title is probably very confusing.  So, for my minion (yes, singular!),  I thought I would explain how I came to be Karen.


Many, many, many, MANY years ago, I was a shy piano nerd.  All I did in high school was play piano; choirs, talent shows, musicals, weddings, funerals, graduations, anything.  My senior year, I had this crazy idea that I wanted to sing for graduation.  I auditioned and was chosen!  It was right after Les Miserables had come out on Broadway and I had chosen the song, "On My Own."  It was so soon after the show came out, that a friend of mine who worked at a theatre had to send me the music because it wasn't available.


The big day comes, I'm in my dorky pointy hat (perfectly positioned so that my big hair is unimpeded!) and my space age paper gown, and I sing... I sang my little heart out.  My classmates were astonished... they didn't know I could sing.  It was a great day.  Next day in the paper, my mom yelled to me saying that my picture was in the paper!  

EXCIIITIIIING!!! 



I opened up the paper, ready to see my picture, my triumph now complete..... and.......!!!!!

fale!

Really?  REALLY?  I mean, come on!!  It's the only freaking thing I had ever done on my own!! (pardon the pun)...  You couldn't read the program?  You couldn't do that much?  Jeez louise!!

So, I recovered from the Karen thing... I thought.  A few years later, I was doing a show at the theatre and someone new to the theatre called me Karen... all of a sudden I remembered my graduation.  Karen?  Do I look like a Karen?  A small part of me thought that maybe they remembered my picture and thought that was my name.

Fast forward a few more years.  I'm playing for Venango Chorus and a chorus member... who knew me... called me Karen.... WTF!  

I was called Karen by a student, I was called Karen by a woman at church, I was called Karen by a nice lady at the library... the list goes on!

So, with that being said.... call me Karen!

Karen's Kraft Korner - Project #1

You CAN make a spray booth in your hotel bathroom....

But I wouldn't recommend it unless you are sure your bathroom fan actually works.

Next time: How to make a welder from a hotel hair dryer and a coffee pot