Monday, November 1, 2010

How does this here new fangled blog thing work? (Killer Orris returns!!)

Ok, so my first Blog post was kinda lame and kinda middle schooly....  I don't want to be middle schooly, I want to be witty and wise and engaging and... I should just give up now.  So, to all my follower, I apologize for the first blog.  It was very anti-climactic and just plain lame.  Mea Culpa my dear minion, Mea Culpa.

Take Two: *snap*

On Saturday, I went to the Pittsburgh Panther/Louisville Red Bird game.  Went to see my favorite bandy plus some great football.  I actually didn't have to go alone this week, Beth Orris of Venango Chorus (I know she looooooooves that rhyme!) came with me.

The morning wasn't too awfully early and the drive was super fast.  Found the parking garage.  Found the stadium.  Found the band.  We are batting 1000!  Then.... Mr. Adventure tugged on our pant legs.

I am not a high maintenance gal by any means.  If it doesn't fit into my pockets, I don't need it.  However, I recently lost my wallet and purchased a new one of larger size and heft... I can't lose it anymore, but it doesn't fit in my pockets.  Thus, the purchase of one of those pillowcases-with-strings kind of bag that I now never leave home without.  Beth had a super fantastic new L. L. Bean backpack with cup holders and zippers and the works.

We watched the band pre-show concert and the drum line.  We next found where the will call table was and went to go through "Landmark Security."  Now, security consists of some tiny women in huge yellow jackets looking in your stuff and swiping their hands under your arm pits and down your legs to make sure you ain't packin'.  I breezed through... one coat and one pillowcase bag with wallet, ipod, keys, and woolly hat.  Then, the troublemaker.  Beth Orris.  Probably on the "No Camel" list in Saudi Arabia for her stunt some 20 years ago.  Beth Orris with her bionic ankle and slippery fingers.  Beth Orris who knows at least 293 ways to kill a man.  Beth Orris with her dangerous and lethal...... back pack?

Yes... back pack.  The poor woman has a killer cough and a new ankle.  She brought a box of Kleenex, a jacket, two apples, and some cough drops in her back pack.  Back packs are apparently illegal in Heinz Field.  Landmark Security was less than kind:

LS - I'm sorry, no back packs are allowed.
BO - What?  I just have some Kleenex and a jacket and...
LS - I'm sorry, we can't let them in.
BO - But what do I do with my back pack?
LS - You'll have to take it back to your car.
BO - You don't have anywhere to check it?
LS - No, I'm sorry.
BO - But we're parked a mile away and I have an ankle replacement!
LS - No back packs.

So, off we go around the corner and hatch a devious plan.

Killer Orris puts on her jacket and begins to stuff her pockets with all of the things in her backpack.  Pretty soon she looks like Michael Keaton in Johnny Dangerously in the "Your Testicles and You" clip. I'll leave you to google that...  :)  So, after the items have been stowed away, it is now time for the deadly back pack.  We decide that the back pack WILL fit in my pillowcase bag, so we begin to scrunch and shove and push and tie and roll this poor backpack into a little tiny ball.  Then the back pack gets shoved into the bottom of my bag and is hidden with hats, scarves, ipods, tickets, etc.  Now, trying not to look too guilty and trying not to knock anyone over with her bulging pockets, we try another gate... we know it's the wrong gate, but we are still a little sheepish looking.  They send us out and we walk back to our original gate deciding that we will enter at different times and try to Jedi mind trick the little security chick into forgetting that we were carrying contraband just 10 minutes before.

As we walk up to the gate... lo and behold!  A second female security person thing.  YAY!  We go to her and all she does is feel the incredibly hard compact heavy "hat" that I had in my bag and she checks Killer Orris' pockets and in we go!!!  Take that, Landmark Security!  Take that!

Sigh.... the rest of the afternoon was filled with ennui.  Just the usual balancing hot dogs on your heads and trying not to trip on drunken college kids and not taking anyone out with the now stuffed pillowcase.

It was a great day and a great game and a kick ass band!

Final Score = Killer Orris 1 - Landmark Security 0


  1. Funny! I'm glad that you two made it!

  2. "Where there's a will, there's a way" (I write sheepishly). But, man, was it a fun day!!

  3. YAY! New blog to read :) 1. I never realized that Orris and Chorus ryhme. I feel dumb. 2. No camel list... for sure... not that I really know what that is. 3. My mom had such a great time that she was still giddy on Sunday. Did you drug her?